Curiosity Kills the Police Officer
by 3waypetal
Summary: Soichiro follows L and Light one day after work, suspecting their relationship to be something more than that of a detective and suspect. Instead he finds himself in a... humiliating situation.


Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note

Soichiro isn't blind. He may not be a genius, but he can tell when someone is in love with his son. He sees the not so casual touches and the furtive glances that people send towards his son. He loves his son, he does, but sometimes he thinks Light does it on purpose.

Light reels them in like hooked fish before throwing them right back into the water with a ragged hole in their mouth. Sometimes he catches the annoyed look in Light's face when Misa hugs him possessively around the waist or kiyomi Takada sends him heated glances at school when Soichiro goes to pick him up.

But _this_, this man, was not at all what Soichiro expected. He expected Light to fall in love with a witty, mature, and beautiful women. Someone who could keep his son from getting bored, make his son keep the bait. A woman with silky hair who was a secret agent or a nerdy, but cute scientist with sexy glasses. Instead Light fell in love with a childish, rude, immature, sloppy, and quite creepy antisocial detective that didn't know how to sit or eat properly.

Of course, Soichiro gave L his utmost respect, but well, the man was quite weird. He saw how L would put his pale spindly hands on Raito's tanned shoulders during the day when Light claimed he found something, and L would amble over seemingly impassive. Soichiro knew better. L didn't touch anybody. Not Watari, not himself, not Matsuda, just Light. Only Light.

He watched their heated arguments and quarrels, something more brimming in both of their eyes than just anger and arrogant determination, something that might possibly resemble the look of when Sachiko would glance at him, something that looked like… love. Of course, Soichiro was a police officer. Which meant that unless he had any evidence… well his thoughts about L and Light couldn't possibly be true right?

That's how Soichiro found himself tailing Raito and L after work that dreary Tuesday evening. L had sent everyone home about forty-five minutes ago and Soichiro had pretended to leave before quietly sneaking his way back up. If he encountered L or Light, or even Watari he supposed, he would just tell them that he accidentally left his jacket in the investigation room- which he did, but not accidentally of course.

The cameras that monitored the path he was now taking was situated behind both where L and Light usually sat, so he figured that as long as he didn't make any sort of commotion, he wouldn't be found out.

Nodding at his sense of accomplishment, Soichiro made his way up to the investigation room quietly, ready to appear around the white door frame stealthily and catch L and Light in the middle of… well in the middle of something.

His mind flashed to L and Light in uncompromising positions- he quickly banished the thoughts. Light knew better than to do stuff with Ryuzaki, he assured himself as he reached the investigation room. Soichiro slid his fingers once through his graying hair and adjusted his glasses before cautiously poking his head around the door.

His eyes widened as he saw…nothing, absolutely nothing. He frowned and straightened himself up, clearing his throat along the way. The investigation room was empty, computers asleep and cold tea laying about on the countertops, no L or Light in sight. Bewildered, but determined not to give up on his quest, Soichiro walked over to the camera monitors.

Finally, he spotted L and Light walking down a deserted hallway leading to a room where Soichiro hadn't ventured into before. He could see their mouths moving, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Their wrists connected by the thick chain that served as a constant reminder to Soichiro that his son was a suspect.

He cursed himself silently. He had to follow them! Listen to what they were saying. L could be declaring love to his son this very second. Without glancing back at the monitors, Soichiro walked out of the investigation room and into a carpeted hallway. It took him close to ten minutes before finding the exact hallway where he had seen L and Light on the monitors.

Berating himself for taking so long to find the location, Soichiro quietly padded down the hallway until he came to a large wooden door. He could hear the voices of L and Light coming from inside, and Soichiro gave himself a mental pat on the back. He had found them! And was going to find evidence that either squashed his theory or proved it.

With little hesitation Soichiro pressed his ear against the door.

"…you're putting it in the wrong place," Light said, rather agitated.

"That is impossible Light-kun." L's monotone voice floated through the door and into Soichiro's ear.

"It's not impossible! Even with my body all twisted up I can still see what your doing!"

"Light-kun is starting to sweat."

"Of course, I'm starting to sweat, your legs are wrapped around me!"

Soichiro was also starting to sweat…were they doing what is sounded like they were doing?

"I wish I was as flexible as Light-kun."

"I've had practice."

"I can see that."

"L, Don't put your hand there!"

"…Light-kun is making this difficult." It sounded like L was… pouting.

"No, this stupid chain is making this difficult."

"I think it makes things more interesting." L said and he heard Light sigh.

"Of course you would," Light replied, sounding rather strained.

"How did you end up on top of me?" Light asked and Soichiro held his breath.

"It just seemed to happen that way Light-kun."

"Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"It's not _that_ tight Light-kun."

"Oh, it must be more stretched out than I thought."

"Yes, I agree, it has been used too much."

"Well from now on, it's for your use only."

"Thank you Light-kun."

"No problem, Ryuzaki."

He heard Light grunt, "Oh! Ryuzaki, move or I'm going to collapse!"

"Isn't that the point Light-kun?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"But what Light-kun?

"I didn't think you would be so good at this."

"Yes," L sounded thoughtful, "I find that a reasonable assumption."

Soichiro heard Light sigh again, "We should do this more often Ryuzaki."

"Yes, I agree Light-kun, but next time we should go faster and make thinks rougher."

"Yeah, that sounds good." Soichiro was in a state of shock. His Light and L- they were doing the dirty deed! Quickly, his face set in a permanent blush he turned the knob and slammed open the door, he was going to stop this nonsense!

L and Light both glanced at Soichiro warily as he burst through the door in a rage. Soichiro's mouth gaped open impossibly wide as he took in the scene before him.

A twister mat was set up on the floor. L and Light's arms and legs impossibly entangled around each other and the chain as they tried to keep their hands and feet on the correct spots.

They had on tight restricting clothes that Soichiro guessed they were wearing to make it harder for them to stretch and reach the colored spots they needed in order to play the game.

Watari smiled serenely at him from a red cozy chair near the twister mat, a cup of steaming tea in his hand.

"Good-evening Yagamin-san," he said pleasantly. Soichiro was too humiliated to respond.

Watari took the spinner from the coffee table and spun.

"Left-foot green boys."

A/N: I played twister this weekend and I thought about how funny it would be if L and Light were playing twister and Soichiro thought they were doing something else!

Anyway, let me know if it actually sounded like they were doing something dirty, I wasn't sure if I made it seem like it or not, thanks!


End file.
